There was no warmth in my voice, and she raised her eyebrows. "You don't get along." It was
statement, not a question.
"That would be putting it mildly." I took a sip of wine, trying to think of how best to describe the
antagonism between my eldest brother and me. "Would you like the short version, or the long
"I'm not in a hurry to be anywhere…why don't we go with the long version?"
"Okay," I said with a wry smile. "Just remember that you asked for it." I paused for a moment,
wondering where to begin. "My father is a doctor…in the late sixties, a family practitioner in
Milwaukee. He had married his high school sweetheart and opened up his own practice -
everything was going along nicely until, as a favor, he hired the daughter of a family friend to
help around the office…a year later he'd divorced his wife and married his young employee, who
"So, young employee was…"
"My mom," I answered with a quick nod. "The whole thing was something of a scandal, I guess,
since mom was only eighteen, so dad sold the practice and moved his young bride and new baby
to Madison, where he set up shop again, and they had another kid," I pointed to myself, "and
they lived in, what seemed to me when I was young, happy bliss until I was about twelve. That's
when they found out that mom was pregnant again. Mom was thrilled, but dad wasn't so happy -
they started fighting constantly - but things progressed as they usually do, and eventually Perry
I held my glass to my chest and drew my feet up under me as Robyn had done. "A few weeks
after Perry's first birthday, dad filed for divorce and ran off to Chicago with his twenty-four year
old receptionist. Dad was nothing if not consistent," I said, unable to keep the trace of bitterness
out of my voice.
"Oh, Caid…that must have been awful." She scooted over until our knees were touching and
took my hand, her eyes full of empathy.
I stroked my thumb across her knuckles, liking the feel of her hand in mine, and way our hands
looked together. "It was…hard for us all, but it was especially hard on Sebastian. Mom asked for
full custody, and dad didn't fight it, basically removing himself completely from our lives.
Sebastian worshiped dad, and after he left, Sebastian just…he completely changed. He was angry
all the time, screaming and yelling at mom and me, saying it was our fault, getting into trouble,
picking fights…" I shook my head in memory. "That was a really fun time, let me tell you."
She squeezed my hand. "So he never really got over it?"
"Nope, he never did…" I looked into the fire. "And then he married into a rich, incredibly
religious fundamentalist Tampa family, and went from being an angry, hurt kid to a bigoted, self-
righteous asshole." I shook my head. "It's hard to love someone who hates everything about you,
and Sebastian has made it very clear that my job, my life…everything about me is evil. Jesus," I
said with a pained laugh, "when he finds out I've…that I'm a lesbian, he will seriously blow a
gasket." I shuddered at the thought, and Robyn squeezed my hand again.
"I'm sorry, Caid," she said simply.
I smiled wryly and finished the rest of my wine in a gulp. "Me too."
"Do you ever…see your father? I can't believe someone would just cut their kids off like that."
"Hard to believe, isn't it? When he first left, I was pretty angry too, but unlike Sebastian, I was
angry at dad, and not mom. He left when I was thirteen, and I didn't see him again until I was
twenty-one…now I see him once or twice a year, I guess. Sebastian might see him more, I don't
know - dad is definitely a topic I don't want to discuss with him. Perry has met him a few times,
but mom remarried a couple of years after dad left, and as far as Perry's concerned, his dad is
Larry, mom's current husband."
She shook her head, stroking my hand. "I'm sorry," she said again, and leaned forward to kiss my
forehead. "I wish you hadn't gone through that."
"Mm…" I closed my eyes at her tenderness. It had been a long time since I'd told anyone that
story and I was glad it hadn't sent her screaming into the hills. Or maybe it had, and she was just
being nice. I opened my eyes. "So…now that you know the whole sordid tale, still interested in
starting something with me?" I tried to keep my tone light, and not sound too pathetic.
She cupped my face and forced me to look at her. "I'm not that easy to scare away, Caid. I don't
care about your family, I care about you."
I turned my head and brushed my lips against the hand cupping my cheek. "Lucky me."
"And don't you forget it, missy," she said, and tweaked my nose, lightening the mood. "I'm going
to get a little more wine. Would you like some?"
I handed her my empty glass when she stood and she crossed to the table and divided what was
left in the bottle between the two glasses. I put my feet on the floor and stretched my legs, still
feeling the slight pull in my hamstrings from my surfing adventure.
"So where does your mom live now?" Robyn asked from across the room.
"She and Larry are still in Madison, although they travel almost six months out of the year. They
run a travel tour company - hiking tours to Switzerland, biking in France, sailing the Greek
Islands…that sort of thing. They're out of the country now until August."
"That sounds like fun, how long have they been doing that?"
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"Um…let's see…maybe eight, nine years? Since Perry was about thirteen, I guess. They used to
take him with them."
"Have you ever gone?" She perched herself on the arm of the couch and handed me my
"I went on a bike tour through Germany with them once…by the time they started it, I was pretty
busy trying to pick up acting gigs…just never seemed like I had enough time."
She motioned for me to move over and then slid in beside me on the couch, curling her feet up
and tucking them under my thigh. I could feel the slight chill through the thin linen shorts I was
"Comfortable?" I asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow.
"Very." She wiggled her toes and grinned at me, the force of it hitting me like a punch.
I loved it when she smiled like that.
This wasn't the practiced smile she gave the cameras and the public. No, this one she gave out
sparingly, and only to a select few, and lit her entire face up…hell, her entire self. It was open,
inviting and completely captivating. The image robbed me of breath and brought an ache to my
chest, and I reached out to trail slightly trembling fingertips down her cheek, shaking my head.
"You're so damn beautiful, Robyn. Sometimes I look at you, and I can't breathe."
Her body stilled, and I wondered if I'd said something wrong. I withdrew my hand slowly. "I'm
Her eyes didn't leave my face as she gently placed her wineglass on the table, and then did the
same with mine. Her hands went to the buttons of her shirt and she slowly unbuttoned them, one
by one, revealing glimpses of tanned skin and peach colored lace. I watched her hands in equal
parts fascination and trepidation, and when she was done, I looked up to meet her gaze. She
smiled slightly at whatever petrified, excited, confused look I had on my face, then her
expression became serious again and she took my hands in hers and turned them over, kissing
one palm, then the other.
"I want you to touch me, Caid," she said softly, and placed my hands on the smooth skin of her
I drew in a shaky breath at the first touch of my hands on her heated skin. I was trembling, and I
could feel the echoing tremble under my fingers. "Robyn…" My voice was hesitant, unsure.
"Shhh…" She leaned forward and kissed me, slow and deep, then leaned back against the
armrest of the couch, the action parting her shirt completely. "There's no right way or wrong
way, Caid. Just…touch me."
I dropped my eyes to take in the sharp angles of her collarbone, small breasts covered by almost
shear, peach colored material, and the long, flat planes of her abdomen where my hands rested.
She was slender - too slender, I thought briefly - and my hands easily spanned her waist. I
brushed tentatively with my thumbs, and raised my hands to run my fingers over the ridges of
her ribs, feeling each one. The slight tremors under my fingers gave me confidence and I stroked
my hands down her stomach, swirling fingertips into the hollows just above the waistband of her
shorts; the hollows that had so intrigued me last time I saw them as she walked up my drive three
I paused for a moment, remembering in a rush what I had wanted to do then. Don't think, Caid.
She gave a tiny gasp of surprise and pleasure when I lowered my head and kissed one hollow,
then skimmed my lips across her stomach to kiss the other. I felt her hand in my hair, stroking
softly and then spasm briefly when I ran my tongue around her navel, dipping in quickly and
then sucking gently on the surrounding skin. I laid my cheek against the smooth, warm skin of
her belly. "You're so soft," I whispered, letting my fingers play over her skin for a moment
before turning and bracing my hands on either side of her, kissing my way up the middle of her
body and finally capturing her lips. The gentle kiss soon turned urgent, and when I pulled away,
we were both shaking.
Her hands gripped my upper arms tightly, and her breathing was uneven. "God…you make me
feel so much…"
I balanced myself on one arm and ran my hand from her shoulder to her chest, hesitantly cupping
her breast and lightly stroking my thumb across material of her bra, feeling her nipple harden in
She sucked in a breath and her hands dug into my arms painfully. "Caid…baby, I don't want to
rush you…we need to stop…"
I raised my fingers to her lips, silencing her, and replaced the fingers with my lips for a brief
kiss. "I want you, Robyn," I whispered. "Jesus, so much it hurts. I want to make you feel." I
looked at her pleadingly. "Teach me. Show me."
And she did - helping me slowly undress her, whispering breathless words of direction an
encouragement, guiding my mouth to her neck and breasts, and much later, my hand to her sex,
holding me tightly against her as she shuddered, muscles tightening in release around my fingers.
She continued to hold my hand against her as she slowly relaxed, and I had no objection,
enthralled by the feel of her warmth around my fingers and the slick evidence of her desire.
Finally she moved her hand and I withdrew, lowering my body next to hers.
"That was…amazing," I said softly, and kissed her forehead. "Thank you."
She let out a strangled laugh and opened her eyes, looking at me with a slightly dazed
expression. "I think it's me that should be thanking you."
"So that's good, right?" I asked hopefully, shamelessly asking for reassurance.
She laughed again, and this time when she opened her eyes, they were filled with gentle humor.
"Yes. Very good. Caid…you did just fine." She smiled at me and stroked my cheek. "Just fine."
"Good." It wasn't the fireworks-exploded-and-I-lost-touch-with-reality kind of praise that every
lover hopes for, but it was enough. I smiled contentedly, thinking practice makes perfect, and
gathered her up in my arms, nuzzling her hair. "Mm. You feel good."
She shifted onto her side and laid her head on my chest with a satisfied sigh. "You feel good,
too." She reached back and tugged at a blanket that was lying across the back of the couch,
pulling it on top of us and settling in once more, her hand making lazy circles on my stomach
under my shirt.
After a few minutes the circles moved upward and she brushed her palm across my breast, then
came back to circle my hardening nipple with a fingertip, the scrape of her fingernail across the
material of my bra sending tiny shockwaves of sensation straight to my groin. I bit back a groan.
"Why is it," she said in a raspy whisper, "that you have so many clothes on?" She tipped her head
back and sucked my earlobe into her mouth. "Hmm?"
I could only shake my head as the material of my bra was pushed up, freeing my breasts, and my
nipple gently rolled between her fingers. "Oh…" She gave my other breast the same treatment
before my shirt was pushed up and her mouth, moist and hot, replaced her fingers. I closed my
eyes and sucked in a breath, arching against her. "Jesus…Robyn…"
She rolled until she was on top of me and pushed my shirt up further, sucking and nipping at my
breasts, her hands and mouth seeming everywhere at once. I was lost in a haze of sensation and
arousal, and when she stopped and lifted herself off me, I whimpered in dismay.
"Caid." Her voice was rough with emotion and need, and my eyes flew open to find her standing
naked above me, holding out a hand.
I took her hand and wordlessly followed her as she turned off the gas to the fire, blew out the
candles, and led me up the stairs to her bedroom where she undressed me, reverently kissing
each newly revealed piece of my body as though it were a gift.
"Beautiful," she said softly as her eyes roamed my body. She ran her hands up my arms and
across my shoulders, pausing a moment to knead the muscles there. "So strong." The hands
continued their trek, down over my breasts and ribs to where they came to rest on my hips. She
looked into my eyes, pausing as though to make sure she had my attention. As if there was any
doubt about that. "You're beautiful, Caid."
She took my hand again and pulled the covers on the bed back, then pushed me down and slowly
lowered herself on top of me. The feel of our naked skin touching for the first time pulled a low
moan from both of us.
"So good," she whispered as she settled on top of me. "I knew you'd feel so good…"
She took her time, her hands stroking and kneading, and her teeth, lips and tongue igniting fires
across my skin. Sensation overwhelmed me, and left no room for nervousness or doubt…I drown
in the sweetness of it, coming with a shuddering gasp as her fingers filled me and she swiped her
tongue across my clit.
The tremors of my orgasm still echoed in my limbs as she kissed her way up my body, bracing
herself on her hands above me. "You're amazing," she whispered, kissing my forehead.
"Incredible." She placed a soft kiss on each eyelid. "Perfect." She hovered above my mouth, our
breath mingling, and traced my upper lip with her tongue. I groaned and surged up to bring our
mouths together, tasting myself on her lips. The wave of heat that rolled through me at the
thought made me ache, and I needed, right then, to taste her.
Her eyes widened in surprise when I pushed her over and reversed our positions, but she
murmured her approval when I ran my tongue down her neck to her breasts, spending several
minutes in languid exploration before continuing down her body, remembering areas where she
was most responsive and discovering new ones that brought a intoxicating mixture of moans and
When I eventually touched my tongue to her wetness, she hissed and grabbed the back of my
head, guiding and encouraging as she had done before, and when she came against me this time,
I needed no reassurance that it had been good.
I circled her waist with my arms and lay my head on her stomach, listening as her breathing and
heart rate slowed, marveling at the feel of her, the heat of her skin and her taste on my lips. She
ran her fingers absently through my hair for a few minutes, and then tugged gently.
"Come up here, you."
I placed a wet, openmouthed kiss between her legs that made her twitch, and inched up her body,
placing more kisses as I went. After one final kiss on her smiling mouth, I settled in beside her,
propping my head up on my hand and watching her watch me.
She sighed contentedly and rolled on her side to face me. "I thought you said you were new at
this," she said, stroking my cheek.
I smiled slightly and kissed her fingers. "I'm a fast learner with the proper motivation. And you,"
I kissed her fingers again and caught one between my teeth, biting gently before releasing it.
"You are some kind of motivation."
"Lucky me." She leaned in for a lingering kiss and then pulled back. She hesitated, and then
asked quietly, "Stay?"
I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'd like that."
"Good," she drawled, tracing random circles on the skin of my shoulder with a finger. A slight
push sent me sprawling onto my back and she contemplated my naked form with lazy, half-
lidded intent. "Because I'm not even close to being done with you."
Sometime before dawn an insistently full bladder woke me, and after carefully extricating myself
from Robyn's arms, I rose and padded to the bathroom. On my way back to bed, I reached to
switch off the floor lamp - the one we'd left on, too comfortable and too spent in each other's
arms to turn off - but paused, captivated by the sight on the bed before me.
She was on her stomach with her face towards me, one arm curled above her head and the other
beneath her pillow. She'd kicked most of the covers off during the night, exposing leanly
muscled shoulders, the long expanse of her back, one perfect globe of buttock, and one smooth,
I stared at her in wonder.
She was amazing; delicate and strong, sharp angles and softness, the most beautiful thing I'd ever
seen. I drew in a shaky breath, wanting her with an intensity that astounded me. Sex before had
been adequate, often pleasant, and sometimes I'd even considered it very good. But never had it
come even close to what I'd experienced with Robyn. Never had I felt so close to someone, and
been so satisfied, but still left with this anticipation, this…craving.
Even now, exhausted and sated, just thinking of her, watching her, stirred my desire again. I
longed to reach for her, to run my hands over her skin, her hair…I swallowed hard at the rush of
emotion that swept through me, surprised that arousal wasn't at the forefront. Instead, it was
I sighed resignedly.
I was in deep, deep trouble.
When I had talked with Perry about my feelings for Robyn, I had been unsure; putting the label
'love' on it for lack of a better way to explain what I was feeling. But now I was sure. Sometime
during the night, the feelings I had for Robyn had intensified into something very deep, very
strong, and very frightening.
I was in love with her, no doubt about it now.
I dropped heavily into the softly upholstered wing chair next to the floor lamp and sighed again.
So. I'm in love her. In love with a famous, closeted actress who has a boyfriend who's not really
her boyfriend, calls her affairs 'things' and who has never cared about any of her past lovers
enough to bring them home to meet her family. You sure can pick 'em, Caid.
I sat for a long time, contemplating my new lover and the plethora of ways she could hurt me.
Eventually, I turned off the light and slipped back into bed, wiggling around to get comfortable
and draping my arm across Robyn's back. This would either be the best thing that ever happened
to me, or a spectacular crash and burn that would fuck me up for a good, long time. But either
way, I was happy now, and determined to enjoy it for as long as it lasted.
Continued in Part 3
~ And Playing the Role of Herself... ~
DISCLAIMER: See Part 1
The sounds of a shower running along with quiet singing woke me the next morning, pulling me
from dreams that I couldn't remember, but that left me slightly unsettled. I rolled onto my back
and opened my eyes, blinking groggily at the unfamiliar, sunlit room around me. My eyes fell on
a pile of clothes on the floor, and I smiled slowly, remembering the night before and just who it
was singing Prince's Kiss, slightly off-key, in the next room.
I yawned and stretched luxuriously, humming in satisfaction at the pull from muscles long
unused. With any luck, I'd have many chances to whip those muscles back in shape. I tucked an
arm behind my head, smiling at the thought. The shower turned off but the singing continued and
I watched Robyn exit the bathroom wearing a short, black robe - damn, that woman looked good
in black - and toweling her hair dry.
"Act your age mama, not your shoe size maybe we could do the twirl…"
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