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Dhruv had spent the last five days in a
drunken haze, dialling her number over
and over again, waiting on the pavement
facing her first floor hostel window,
sending her long texts and numerous e-
mails begging for another chance. He felt
like shit for letting Ritika down. He even
toyed with the idea of slitting his wrists
to prove a point but the mess that would
follow deterred him.
‘You have always led her on, you
didn’t tell me you and she had a thing in
school!’ Ritika had complained.
But I called her ugly, how is that
leading her on, Dhruv had argued.
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She turned you on, how can I trust
you any longer, Ritika had cried.
Sanchit unscrewed the cap of another
bottle of Old Monk and poured it into the
empty Pepsi bottle.
‘I’m in love with Aranya. She’s my
dream woman,’ said Sanchit.
‘She fucked my happiness, dude.
Ritika’s never going to forgive me for
this. How the fuck am I any different
from my fuck-all father, fucking shit.’
‘You’re drunk.’
‘I’m drunk? You are the fucking one
who just said you fucking love that
bitch!’
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‘Mind your language there, Dhruv. I’m
married to her in my head,’ quipped
Sanchit.
‘Is that why you’re watching that?’
asked Dhruv, pointing to Bookworm
Bitches—Megan Goes to School video
playing on his laptop.
‘Fine. Let me prove it to you,’ said
Sanchit and clicked on the porn folder
which was labelled as Important
Documents and paraded his
painstakingly procured collection, now
categorized and cross-referenced.
He pressed the ALT key and his finger
lingered over the DEL key. He asked,
‘Should I?’ And before Dhruv could
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answer, he pressed the key, a bar
appeared and slowly, hundreds of
pixelated naked bodies disappeared.
‘See? Not even a second thought. Aranya
is hot. All my fantasies are going to
revolve around her now.’
Dhruv didn’t see the point of arguing.
They drank and smoked silently, Dhruv
blissfully unaware of the approaching
mid-semester examinations. It was the
time when the hostels remained abuzz
with activity till early mornings, study
groups were formed and the dynamics of
friendships changed.
They ran out of alcohol and lay on the
rooftop, staring at the sky as if there
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were stars visible to appreciate. Dhruv’s
phone had run out of battery from the
incessant calling.
‘Should I get her name tattooed? Do
you think that would work?’ asked
Dhruv, once he felt a little less
hammered.
‘Get it in Chinese so that you can fool
your next girlfriend. Even the Chinese
don’t understand their script.’
‘I’m not breaking up,’ said Dhruv.
‘Have you decided your kids’ names
yet?’
‘When the right time comes, then why
not,’ answered Dhruv, the ridiculousness
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of the question and the answer ringing in
his ears.
‘You’re stupid as hell, man. You have
got to be kidding me if you think you and
Ritika are meant for life. I don’t think
you’re even sad. You’re just acting sad!’
‘Why would you say that?’ asked
Dhruv, curious.
‘For one, you’re twenty and there are
ten more years for you to think from your
dick. And secondly, how’s it love?
Love’s not waiting for a couple of hours
outside a parlour reading gossip
magazines while she’s getting rid of her
fur. Love’s when you can say fuck off,
I’m not coming, and I don’t care you’re a
hairy mess for I like your hairy mess.’
‘That sounds like a fetish,’ said
Dhruv.
‘I’m no Freud but you might be the
first guy who suffers from the opposite
of commitment phobia. Commitment
philia?’
‘This conversation is over.’
‘Want to watch some porn together?’
‘I hate porn.’
‘Don’t ever say that again or we might
not be friends any more,’ said Sanchit.
‘Random girls fucking random boys
for money? I’m not into that. It’s just not
my thing.’
‘Aw! Don’t tell me you think about
their families and their boyfriends and
their kids?’
‘Why not?’
‘This conversation is over, Dhruv. We
are not friends.’
‘We were never friends.’
‘. . .’
‘. . .’
Dhruv continued, ‘Morever, two men
watching porn together is gay.’
‘What’s wrong in being gay now?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Good.’
Dhruv sat up and drank the last sip
from the bottle of Pepsi. ‘Didn’t you
delete all your porn?’
‘Which self-respecting guy doesn’t
keep a backup? But I did delete it
without a second thought and you still
don’t have the tattoo on yourself,’ said
Sanchit and smiled. ‘Aranya is hot.’
I Love u Rachu
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