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Sanchit, as if convincing himself and not
Sanchit. ‘And that bastard said he was
dying. He wasn’t dying, he might die in a
couple of years. There’s a big fucking
difference between the two. Why all the
drama now? Couldn’t he just have called
me in two years when he was actually
dying!’ Dhruv picked an old beer bottle
lolling on the table and smashed it
against the wall. ‘What, what would
have happened? Suddenly it has dawned
on him the wrongs he has done and he
wants to make up for it! Well, screw
him. I’m not going to go to him, sit by his
side, listen to his side of the story, cry,
forgive his imperfections and hold his
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hand in his dying days. It fucking won’t
happen. This isn’t a damn movie!’
‘Well, not yet.’
‘What not yet?’
‘It’s not a movie yet but it could be if I
decide to write about it. It could be a big
hit, you know?’ remarked Sanchit.
Dhruv smacked Sanchit’s head. ‘What
are you talking about? My father is dying
and you think it’s a joke?’
‘Me? No. You think it’s a joke,’ said
Sanchit, turning serious. ‘So what if he
slept with hookers? So what if he didn’t
fight for your mother? So what if you
always hated your father? Why shouldn’t
he get a last shot at loving you? You can
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spend the rest of your life hating him.
He’s not going to stop you from doing
that, will he? So just go. I’m sure he
needs you right now, Dhruv. Stop
thinking about yourself for once.’
‘. . .’
‘I’m trying to make you feel guilty if
you haven’t noticed.’
‘. . .’
‘Well, it’s already working, Dhruv.
No matter how badass you are, right
now, you’re thinking what if he doesn’t
see you for the next two years and dies
taking your name over and over again.
What if he spends every waking second
of whatever is left of his life staring at
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the door, waiting for you? What if he
spends every shred of his life crying?
And when all he needed was one chance
to apologize.’
Dhruv breathed deeply. ‘You’re
manipulating me. I can’t fucking believe
you.’
‘Neither can I. Your father is dying
and you’re here talking to me.’
Dhruv slumped on the bed, face down,
wanting to cry but the tears had dried out
years before and said, ‘I’m not going.’
Yet six hours later, he was running
through the corridors of Eight Hills
Hospital looking for room no. 324.
When he reached the door, he calmed
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himself down, pushed the door open and
entered the room. His father lay on an
uncomfortable bed reading a magazine.
There lay a set of machines by his side,
not yet plugged in.
‘Dad,’ Dhruv said. He sat on the seat
meant for distraught relatives—crying
brothers and wailing sons, daughters and
wives. Dad looked just fine. ‘You don’t
look sick.’
‘It’s something with my liver. Too
much drinking, they said. And I told them
if it had been too much drinking I
wouldn’t be here.’ Dad laughed and
Dhruv failed to see the joke in it.
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The words dried up and quite some
time passed by before Dad said, ‘I’m
sorry.’ Dhruv had already started to
regret his decision to be there. He felt
angry if anything at all.
‘You kind of should be. For all the
shit that you have done and made all of
us go through. I just came here because
my friends told me I should give you a
chance to apologize. And quite frankly, it
doesn’t feel any different. Seeing you
trapped in this bed doesn’t make me cry.
If anything it makes me fucking happy.’
‘Don’t swear, Dhruv.’
‘You don’t have any power over me.’
‘I’m your father.’
‘Yeah, you fucking were!’
‘Don’t do that.’
‘I’m leaving. This was a mistake,’
snapped Dhruv, jumped out of his chair
and left the room, still not sure why he
even visited him in the first place.
Outside, he sat on one of the benches,
desperately trying to feel sad about his
father’s imminent demise but all he
could think of was the years of torment
he had gone through. Was he being
selfish?
He began to think how people cry
even when their dogs die and Dhruv was
failing to feel that emotion for his own
father. How pathetic was that? Why?
Why didn’t he feel anything? Had even
sorrow left him?
He was sitting there, nodding, trying
to feel alright about himself when the
first tears started to flow. And as if his
mind had taken offence, the times he had
spent with his father, however little and
fleeting, came flooding to his mind in a
sepia-tinged montage and he cried and
cried and cried.
I Love u Rachu
54
Dhruv had waited for night to come. All
that crying outside on the bench turned
his heart to mush and he wanted to see
his father. Maybe even apologize. But he
didn’t have it in him to just walk in, sit
by his side, and have a heart-to-heart
conversation.
Instead, he had decided he would go
in late at night when his father would be
fast asleep, he would say what he
needed to, complain, bicker, curse,
abuse and drown him in his frustration.
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